Julia Filson, Horn

Development. Public radio.

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When you were 18, what were your career aspirations and how much (if at all) did those change by the time you finished university/grad school?

When I was 18 I was studying French Horn Performance at Indiana University of Bloomington. I had really loved chamber music up to that point but never had a mentor show that I could have a career in it, so I assumed I had to take the orchestral route. 

In grad school and during my time with Civic Orchestra of Chicago, I was able to start free-lancing with new music groups like Ensemble Dal Niente, Contempo Ensemble, and the Chicago Symphony MusicNOW series. It made my aspirations of being a chamber musician seem more attainable. I really thought that the best combination of a career I could have would be to play in a new music ensemble and teach at a university. I auditioned for chamber music groups and received my position with Gaudete Brass right out of grad school. Shortly after I was teaching at Loyola University and Roosevelt University. I guess you can say I was living my dream!

Over the course of your entire career to this point — but prior to the pandemic — how have you pivoted or changed career paths and why?

The first pivot I had was going from being a chamber musician with a new music focus to an orchestral player. I was with Gaudete Brass in Chicago for four years where we recorded and toured quite a bit and taught at the university level. It was great, but I also was working as a free-lancer in the new music and orchestral scenes, as well as teaching privately and in El Sistema programs. I was stressed. When I had the chance to work with the Hawai’i Symphony Orchestra (HSO), teach privately, and play chamber music in Honolulu, it was a change I wanted to make. Free-lance life simply was not for me. I needed less commuting and steady paychecks. 

My second major pivot was In 2017 while I was playing Horn with the Hawai’i Symphony Orchestra, Chamber Music Hawai’i, and teaching at University of Hawai’i at Manoa. In December that year I was diagnosed with essential tremor, a progressive neurological disorder. This disorder is not curable, and will only continue to get worse. My tremors mainly present in my left hand, left arm, right thumb, and in my neck. 

Unfortunately, this had been plaguing my playing since I was a teenager, but I had no idea what it was. As a teenager I had to stop playing off the leg, then I was completely unable to play well standing up. In my late twenties I found myself unable to play to my standard without beta blockers, even in rehearsals. I had so much pain in my neck and shoulder from trying to control the shaking and control the instrument that I thought I had a pinched nerve. The crazy part of it all is that I thought it was all in my head (no pun intended). The industry is constantly teaching you to find your peak performance flow and get rid of nerves, so I truly thought this was something I would be able to control. I tried what felt like everything and was so frustrated. 

I was in so much pain that I kept going to the doctor. He recognized my need for physical therapy for neck and shoulder pain and sent me to a neurologist since he suspected I had a tremor or potentially a pinched nerve. The neurologist did not understand when he diagnosed me that he had given my career a death sentence. I was prescribed 80-120mg of beta blockers daily or for performances, which was unsustainable to me. And, honestly, I still was shaking even with that amount of beta blockers. While I was still playing at a high level, it was psychological warfare when I performed. Knowing the tremors would never go away made me certain I needed to change careers.

People did not understand why I decided to change careers so quickly, musicians and non-musicians alike. Musicians told me to do more meditation and yoga, as if that would cure my permanent neurological disease. Non-musicians looked at me like a sad puppy saying, “Oh it’s just so hard, isn’t it?” or “Couldn’t cut it, huh?”. I had a great career. I stand by that. But I felt so ashamed even though it really was out of my control. I started playing music at age 6, horn at age 9. I dedicated my entire academic career to practicing, even in high school. I worked so hard for everything I did, I am proud. But, no amount of hard work would change my diagnosis, it was time to move on. 

I felt the lowest of the low. I had been a part-owner of Gaudete Brass, worked a short stint in development, held various marketing and administrative jobs, but it had been years. The most recent relevant experience I had was as a college professor and as the recording secretary for the Hawai’i Symphony Orchestra Committee. 

Fortunately a great friend of mine, Martha Seroogy, happens to be Director of Sales and Marketing at Blue Note Hawaii. Two weeks after my diagnosis (yes, I am this nuts), I asked if she would take me on as an unpaid intern. For some reason she said yes, and to this day, I still feel I owe Martha everything. She helped me get back into Microsoft Office life, taught me marketing tactics, and tasked me with writing and editing biographies and playbills. I was struggling emotionally, but this work made me believe that I could pull myself together and start a new career. Thank you, Martha. 

During this time, I spent hours on the phone every week with development and marketing professionals that anyone in my sphere would put me in touch with. People love to talk about themselves – I figured I could take advantage of it and learn from people’s stories and education. It was inspiring, and most people advised me that I did not need to go back to school to gain the experience needed for a career in development or marketing. (Reminder to build and use your network). 

After working with Martha for a couple of months, I dusted off my resume and applied for a development position with Hawai’i Public Radio (HPR). I had been on-air many times before as a musician, so I used my contacts in the community to help me get the job. They offered me the available Membership Assistant position, but I was still working with the symphony, the university, and in chamber music. I was so grateful to work there, but it also meant I was working minimum 60-hour weeks. 

That summer I took months of the horn to focus on my growth in a new field. It was revelatory - I had never taken more than a few days off the horn prior to then. It became very clear that I had a decision to make. I could not afford living in Hawai’i only on my HPR salary, and I knew I could not easily continue playing well mentally and also physically with my long work weeks. I decided to apply for as many administrative positions as I could around the country in the orchestral world. If I happened to receive a job before I had to sign my contract with HSO, I would take it. I was offered a job as Development Manager with Tucson Symphony Orchestra (TSO) two days before I had to sign my contract with HSO. Phew. 

During my first year at the TSO I had to embrace my new identity. It was very hard explaining to people that I used to be a professional horn player when I still felt in my soul that I WAS a professional horn player. I cried at concerts, so moved by the music and saddened by watching people on stage do what I wanted to do. I still feel this pain at concerts, but it now stings less. I have had many opportunities to substitute and keep my playing up, I am thankful for that, but I still know I made the right decision. 

Within two years at the TSO I went from being Development Manager to Associate Director of Development. And, for a period of time, I ran the department. I discovered new nerdy passions, like grant-writing and direct-mail campaigning. Who knew!

Recently I started a new position as Mid-Level Giving Manager with Public Broadcasting Atlanta. I had been looking for positions in Atlanta to be closer to family, and I also had been looking to get back into Public Radio. I know the orchestral world, deeply. But, if there is one thing we musicians have committed ourselves to, it is life-long learning. I am excited to gain new skills and continue down this career path, and one day I hope to return, stronger, to the music world.

What were you doing at the start of this year (2020), prior to the pandemic? 

I was working at Tucson Symphony Orchestra as Associate Director of Development.

How has the pandemic changed your career path or goals moving forward? 

I decided to switch industries – from music to public media. While I love orchestral music, I find the model to be quite challenging from a fundraising and sustainability perspective. With the pandemic, it made certain chasms within the industry deepen ten-fold. Personally, I just did not have it in me to keep throwing my bodyweight behind the musicians I really believed in. Working for orchestras is tough work, and a lot of vision and grit from executive leadership/board is necessary to succeed, especially during a pandemic. I look forward to seeing how the music industry changes in these upcoming years, and I truly wish much success to all of my colleagues playing in and working for orchestras. 

Before the pandemic, my career goal was to work my way up to a development director position or an executive role in the orchestral world. My current short-term goals are more education focused, including attaining the CFRE, MBA, PMP training, or data analytics training. Like I said before, we musicians are dedicated to life-long learning. My long-term career goal has shifted, I would ultimately love to run a new music ensemble, music festival, or maybe own a venue one day. We shall see where I end up!