Anonymous #2, Trumpet.
Public Transport.
I showed potential on the trumpet from about the age of 10 and I studied it seriously all throughout school. When I was around 19, I felt I needed a change of environment and decided to move to another part of Europe to study with a particular teacher. I can still remember spending many sleepless nights through my third and fourth years stressing about what I was going to do when I finished my degree, as I knew how difficult it was to get a job in a professional orchestra. Even though I worried about it and knew how difficult it was, I never seriously thought about doing anything else. My focus from pretty much the age of 12 through to about 24 was purely on getting a job with an orchestra. After finishing my degree, I moved back home with my family.
The original plan was to do some teaching and some playing, and gradually do more playing and less teaching. However, things didn’t quite turn out like that. I did a couple of unsuccessful auditions and had about 2 half days of teaching. I once drove an hour and a half to an interview for a teaching position and, when I got there and saw who else was being interviewed, I felt like going straight back home as I knew I had no chance. I stayed and did the interview but, as I expected, I did not get the job.
I finally got to the stage where I was getting desperate for work and started looking outside the music industry. I saw an ad for a position working in public transport and my application was successful. I spent over five years in the job before the call back to music got too strong. I had an opportunity to study in the United States, which was something I had always wanted to do. Even though I had a mortgage at the time, I quit my job and took out an equity loan to cover my expenses for the year while I was away. I had the most amazing experience and have never had any regrets in doing it.
On returning to Europe, I was basically back in the same position, with very few work prospects in the music industry. I had thought about teaching but I would have had to do another year of full-time study and I simply was not in a position to do so. I decided to get back into public transport and I got a job as a bus driver, which I have now been doing for over years and plan on doing possibly until I retire.
When I first returned home after finishing my degree, I had the occasional freelance gig. However, I always felt uncomfortable. Having studied in another city, I knew very few people back home and, as I was working in a supermarket, I didn’t feel all the confidence in what I was doing. After I got the job on the buses I felt even less confident in orchestral settings. People would ask where you teach or where you play and my answer was always, “Well, I don’t teach or play with anyone.” I always felt people didn’t take me seriously as a musician because I wasn’t working full time in it. Even after I returned from studying in the States at a very highly regarded school, I still felt people didn’t take me as seriously as I felt I deserved.
I always felt my playing was at a high level, but because I wasn’t working in the industry, I felt I wasn’t taken as a professional musician. After hearing so many people feel similar, my thoughts have now changed. I wonder how many people that feel there is a stigma attached with leaving a professional orchestra is largely in the minds. I think, in my case, that was certainly the case. I think people did take me seriously, but I just didn’t feel it because I was so self-conscious of being an “outsider.” I think it would be interesting to maybe do further research and see how full-time musicians actually feel about people leaving the industry. I think few people would actually feel any different to them.
Over the last few years, I have started to come to terms with things and feel comfortable with where I am at. I get the occasional freelance gig, and have had an opportunity to play with one of my country’s leading orchestras . I also get a lot of fulfillment from playing and arranging chamber music. I self-funded a CD that I recorded last year and I am planning on doing another one next year as well.
I think that, to make it, or even try to make it, as a professional musician takes many, many years of having a sole focus and being extremely dedicated to achieving a goal. I personally think that when people put in so much time and effort, there is definitely a feeling within yourself that if you don’t make it, you have failed. I think that may be why people feel there is a stigma attached with leaving a professional orchestra or giving up on your goal. There is a feeling of failure and being judged by other people. I am a bit of big sports fan and I often see similarities between the music and sports industries. I guess it would be a similar feeling to people who train for years to make it to an Olympics or to make it as a professional athlete but don’t achieve their goal. The key for me was to make my own opportunities and to look to the reasons why I play in the first place, for the self-fulfillment and enjoyment of what I do. As long as I am enjoying my playing and comfortable with what I am doing then what other people think shouldn’t be an issue.